Searching for "It"

After discussing the topic with Kim the other night, I have decided that it is prudent I write a journal entry on Kerouac and Cassady’s search for the proverbial “It.” This phenomenon, this arduous soul searching and universal roving, was not exclusively the product of these two nor was it exclusive to the era of the beats. Many people have been trying to get at the same concept but none have ever termed it in such a succinct and appropriate as did Cassady when he decided on the simple, seemingly-innocuous term of “It.” The Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung referred to it as the process of destroying the “ego” and finding the Self. The Self according to Jung was the coalescence of the unconscious mind, as it manifests itself in dreams (hear one can hearken back to one of Freud’s postulations that the dream realm existed simply for wish fulfillment), and the everyday conscious mind. Abraham Maslow referred to the search for it as self-actualization, that is reaching the pinnacle of existence by bringing your goals and ideals in-line with reality or vice versa. Maybe the most poignant and most extensive explanation of the search for “It” (and the one most synchronized, unintentionally, to that of Neal Cassady) was posited by Robert Pirsig in his novels, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and, most thoroughly, in the sequel Lila. I will try to brief in the explanation of Pirsig’s metaphysics of quality, but that is very difficult when the original explanation and detailing could not be completed in the 1000+ pages of those two novels. Pirsig divides the term ‘Quality’ into two main subdivisions, ‘Dynamic’ and ‘Static.’ Static Quality is further divided into (in sequential order, lowest to highest): Inorganic, Biological, Social, and Intellectual. It is Dynamic Quality, however, that is the zenith of the human existence according to Pirsig. Dynamic Quality adapts to the ever changing nature of the world (here one could reference the Buddhist notion of the transitory and thus the illusory nature of world, also commonly referred to as the ‘void’ or ‘emptiness’). Like the Tibetan Wheel of Life, it is ok to be in of the four subdivisions of Static Quality. But being in one of those categories inclines one towards an attitude of complicity, because (as the first Noble Truth of Buddhism emphasizes) the most fundamental feature of human nature (if one likes to use such derogatory concepts and terminology) is the inability to accept and deal with change.
The search for “It”, as propagated by Neal Cassady and Jack Kerouac, is (at least in my own subjective interpretation) an overarching concept that encompasses all of the above theories (plus those of many more philosophers, psychologists, psychiatrists, and literary icons), a sort of Grand Strategy (to use the terminology of foreign affairs). The search for it then is a dynamic process seeking to integrate the conscious and unconscious worlds on the individual level, and achieving the realization that all of humanity is interconnected (here, if you so desire, refer to any of the myriad of mystic traditions; I particularly like the Hindu notion of the Kalpa and the notion that Brahma is simply playing a game—a concept that offers little solace to those who feel life has some grand teleological plan behind it. I mean, think about how amazing that idea is… the paradoxical assurance and comfort that one can gain from realizing that all life is just a game and we are all just pieces in the game—a game destined to end shortly. The freedom which one gleans from such realization is truly astounding) on the collective level.
The realization that all life is inherently interconnected, as my parenthetical aside above alluded to, has traditionally been thought of as an Eastern concept. Through his initial exposure to Gnosticism (the Western descendent of Buddhism), Jack Kerouac was able to attain at least a vestige of the enormity of that realization (anyone who realizes it thoroughly and completely is said to have achieved nirvana, the release from maya or the illusion of the world—at least in the Buddhist tradition). Such realization was why Kerouac felt so much compassion for everyone, all living and non-living things (I am reminded here of the Jainist practice of Ahimsa, spiritual non-violence). Kerouac manifested this compassion and resentment of violence by his detestation of the physical violence that was represented by American football, a sentiment which developed gradually over the course of his teenage years. In On the Road, Kerouac, unfortunately, neglects to address this issue in Neal’s and his search for “It.” Dharma Bums and Desolation Angels offer much better examples of Kerouac’s realization that all things on this planet are inherently interlinked (but I am too damn lazy to pull the books out to find example about this topic).
The notion of merging the conscious and unconscious world was where the use of drugs, sometimes excessively so, figured into the search for “It,” as conducted by the beats. Especially notable was the use of Benzedrine in order to push one past the barrier of normal human exhaustion. It was under the influence of Benzedrine, after 3 or 4 days with no sleep, that Jack and friends would find terrific insight in bebop jazz. It was also under the influence of Benzedrine (at least it is theorized to have been influential) that Jack wrote On the Road. By taking Benzedrine they were able to stay for days on end, until their conscious brain was pushed past its limit and their unconscious was forced to manifest itself and take control. By bringing the unconscious to forefront while in a waking state, they were able to investigate things more thoroughly than most of us think possible. And unlike in dreams (the traditional realm of the unconscious), this unlikely state that was achieved through Benzedrine allowed Jack to remember nearly all of the insights which he gleaned as well as the ability to write them down for future investigation and use in literary pursuits.
Finally, there was the dynamic nature of “It.” Kim says that because it is ever elusive, the proverbial “It” does not actually exist. I couldn’t agree less, because the fact that it is elusive is probably the single most defining characteristic of “It.” It is this aspect of “It” which drove Jack to the bottle, because this aspect makes it impossible for there to be any consistencies in life. Neal was better able to accept and deal with this part of “It” than was Jack, because he had been raised in a matrix of change, moving from house to house, from girl to girl, and from reform institutions to regular life and back; while Jack had been raised in a traditional household that valued typical, consistent things: a good family, a steady job, and especially money. Maybe it was because this was such a monumental and cataclysmic difference from his upbringing, that the search for “It” drove Jack, ultimately, to slow suicide by the bottle.
Maybe it is only the truly visionary souls who are ever able to even conceive of the notion of “It,” and it is the vast minority of them (the Buddhas of the world) that are ever able to truly pursue it to its fullest potential. Either way such realization of the existence of and search for “It” is not a fun thing to experience and one which nobody should wish to undergo, unless they possess an incredible strength of character. Nietzsche once said (and I am paraphrasing here): even the visionary does not wish to have visions for they torture his soul beyond imagination. Now I won’t pretend to be a visionary (because I do not belong in the same category as the visionaries whom I admire: Jim Morrison, Jack Kerouac, Friedrich Nietzsche, etc.) but I think I have conceived of the notion of “It,” quite by accident. Kim argues that because “It” is ever elusive, it cannot possibly exist and people like Kerouac are simply indecisive vacillators. She cites the incident with Terry in the little Mexican town of Sabinal in California, when Kerouac thinks that he has found happiness only to abandon it after a short period, as partial proof that “It” truly doesn’t exist, because Jack is happier at that point of the book than at any other. But happiness does not typify “It,” in fact, happiness is not necessarily even a minor component of “It.” No one realizes how hard it is to search for “It” or the torture of the soul that is caused by inability to find a single consistency in life. From my own experience, the inability to find consistency is the single most difficult part of searching for “It.” This inability creates a feeling that is completely indescribable. But let me say that it is something that we who are searching for “It” also try to find. I have thought I found a consistency in a least half a dozen activities and pursuits over the years but they all, eventually proved to be empty. It is not that “It” does not exist, but it takes tremendous fortitude and wherewithal for a person to able to be able to endure such consistent inconsistency as they move ever closer to “It”—thus most people who are able to conceive of “It” are eventually weeded out either by being driven to insanity or becoming complicit and adopting a false consistent variable in their life.
Maybe the fact that we are all taught that these traditional consistent values exist is the single most tragic part of life. If we are corrupted by these “values” before we are able to think for ourselves, then we are never able to conceive of “It.” I guess I should recant and say that it is not just the select few which have the ability to conceive of “It” because all human beings are capable of doing so, but only the select few are able to say, basically, to society and traditionally indoctrinated values: “FUCK OFF.” The ability to shed the brainwashed and indoctrinated values, then, is the mark of truly great men. I would like to group myself into the category of the visionaries whom I admire, I really really would, but I think my own discovery of the existence of “It,” and my pervasive and perpetual discontent with life was truly an accidental occurrence.
I feel like I am torn between two worlds, that of my own subjective moral values and that of traditional moral values. My current dilemma regarding Graduate School versus the ending of formal education provides a slight insight into just how difficult it is to tell society and its values to FUCK OFF. I feel like, in order to be truly liberated, I must put all my effort into something and still be told that I am a failure. Then and only then will I be able to leave traditional values behind and pursue my own version of life and success. Until such time, I feel like either way I choose will result in discontent: pursuing a graduate degree will formally integrate me into society, giving me success as traditionally defined, but I will also be unable to pursue my search for “It;” on the other hand, pursuing my own subjective path to success would facilitate my search for “It,” but it would also possibly cause regret over not having pursued the definition of success which was spoon fed to me from the time I was an infant. Failure then, is at once both my biggest fear and the thing I desire most.

Oh tortured soul!

Forever searching for that which cannot be found

It's the searchng that matter most...

in the end

I've consigned myself to this fate

After all, are never came from happiness

But depression, despair, and loneliness

I've consoled myself as to this position

My lot in life

After all, what would life be...

without art?

Talk of elightenment is great

But where does it get you...

in the end?

The epitome of an anomaly

Trying to fit in with society

Without resorting to conformity